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While I was pregnant and working, I sometimes felt like I didn’t have time to do things, simple things like read and/or comment on a blog post thoughtfully, eat wholesome meals every day. I usually knew what had stolen my time then. Now that I’m a stay-at-home mother I still sometimes feel like I don’t get anything done. I can comment thoughtfully on blogs and eat wholesome meals every day, but I seem to always be running out of time. So where is this time I should have and what is robbing me of it?
Baby. That’s the answer. Baby is now stealing my time. Baby is quite effective at stealing this time; all this time I somehow thought I’d have to do things since I wouldn’t be selling my time or energy to some company or organization. Between doing simple daily house tasks, feeding Baby, playing with Baby, or watching Baby, I have little to no time left for personal activities, let alone writing. See, Baby has gotten to where he doesn’t much like to take long naps anymore. I’m lucky if I get a couple solid 30 minute naps, without me laying right there with him.
Don’t get me wrong, I love simply watching him try out or learn new things. I enjoy watching him use his elbows to push into a sitting position, try to reach for objects, play with toys, or simply look around. I watch him try to figure out how to move his body in different ways and then get frustrated when he can’t get an object or move as he’d like. I watch him talk and and play with himself, and I thoroughly enjoy it. I love that I have the ability to do that. I love that I don’t have to miss any moments while he’s figuring out himself and the world. I love that I can be right there for him, I know what he’s exposed to and watching how he grows. His sense of wonder and excitement and joy and pleasure is beautiful, absolutely unequivocally beautiful and amazing. And I get to be a part of that 🙂
Still, I’d like some of my time back. I’d like to be able to lounge in the bath or shower, maybe sit and read a book quietly and peacefully. I’d like to take more time on my personal hygiene, not just brushing my teeth every day or showering and shaving a few times a week. I’d like to sit and write in a space that’s quiet and uninterrupted.
On the other hand, I miss my guys. On those rare occasions when all is quiet and well, I almost yearn for the sounds of Baby or the cries/grunts of frustration, the way he figures out a way to touch me as often as possible. See, so in the end. Although the massive amount of time I somehow thought I’d have has been stolen from me, I am grateful. I’m grateful to be able to live this life where I’m afforded the opportunity to grow, care for, and watch Baby. I’m grateful for my hun and the effort he puts into helping me out, noticing when I just might have had enough, or simply comforting me and showering me with praise, love, and affection. I really can’t ask for anything more. I’m delighted to be where I am today and I love that my time is stolen by Baby and living this life!