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It’s a new year and I’m overwhelmed. I’m feeling very overwhelmed as I look around at all the things strewn about our dwelling. As I log onto my Bloglovin’ feed, I see there are easily well over 200 posts to read, not read, comment and participate. I know I made something like a promise on New Year’s Eve that I’d return and participation is part of this return. I’m overwhelmed.
As routine sets back in, the pile of clothing that needs to be washed overwhelms me. Dinner that needs to be decided on, prepared, and cooked overwhelms me. The routine that is our normal daily life overwhelms me because I’m not ready, or more aptly, our home isn’t ready for routine. We haven’t really spent any time here since December 20, 2013. Oh, and did I mention the business venture that Hun is working on? I am simply overwhelmed.
I really feel like curling up in bed with Baby and going back to sleep. It’s a bit chilly and the skies are looking gray, so staying in bed really is inviting. In fact, as I’m writing this post with actual pen and paper, I’m in bed. I’ve been up for more than an hour, yet I’m really just still in bed. At this moment it seems I may stay here a bit longer. I know I can create an excuse to stay in bed – Baby needs to eat, I need to eat and my blood sugar’s getting low making me sleepy, last night was a bit later than expected, the sun’s not shining, it’s a bit chilly, I don’t feel like it. Really, no matter the excuse, I simply don’t really want to.
I don’t want to because what I’m really feeling is overwhelmed. (Have I mentioned I’m overwhelmed?)
I’m not really sure where to start without going crazy. So, I’m sitting here in bed writing about it.
This. Right now. works. And, this. Right now. is manageable. Right now, although Baby is peacefully and quietly sleeping, not demanding a single thing, I too, am choosing to be peaceful. I’m choosing not to rush around making myself crazy just because there are so many things to do which do make me crazy. Right now, I’m choosing happiness, peace, and serenity. Right now I’m writing about this choice and how it is ok. It’s not only ok, it’s important. It’s necessary. In order for me to give being my best a fighting chance, I need this.
I need to take this step back and survey all that needs to be done as the evidence of what has been, instead of the crazy unorganized mess I see. The diaper bag not unpacked and put away, the toys not in their rightful place, my computer sitting unplugged on the ottoman, the missing camera, the missing camera battery (different camera), the tripod not in the closet, the camera bag not in wherever its home is to be, the humongous pile of dirty clothes, the shoes strewn about, the this and that all over. All of it. Every. Single. Item. represents the life we’ve been living. The incredibly full, fun, love-filled, busy life we’ve enjoyed these last 2 weeks.
Huge things have happened in our life. Hun took almost 2 full weeks off work (at once), we did a BIG family trip to Florida with family and had great times, we spent a little time with one of my sisters and her family just as we returned, we discovered z-e-r-o camera shops in our area – not a SINGLE one less than 1.5-2 hours away! We took a quick trip to 2 of these camera shops and had a very nice time with members of my family. We took a day off. We traveled to my sister’s new house for New Year’s Eve. We took another unplanned trip to see some very important-to-me people. We have been busy.
Busy making memories. Memories that will last. Memories that will carry us through until we see people again. Memories that are ours. Our First full family of 3 holiday season. Baby’s First Christmas. Baby’s First New Year’s. Even my blog’s First holiday season. Lessons were learned, unexpected realities were noticed, and new or renewed relationships were formed. Some respect was lost for others and although the grieving process hasn’t fully opened, I know it’s there. Some respect for others was gained though. So many important things. Things I hope to explore and discuss more in the coming days. Things I also hope to hold on to.
All of it life. All of it our life. Our life now strewn about the place, unorganized, dirty, and misplaced. All of it important. So, right now these moments here in bed with Baby (who is nursing by the way), I reclaim myself and the feeling of overwhelm lessens just a bit. Enough to reflect and enjoy the time we’ve had, the life we’ve so graciously been afforded. The feeling of overwhelm dissipates as the gratitude is remembered and embraced. Until the feeling of overwhelm disappears altogether.
I’ll relish these few calm, quiet moments under the covers with our Baby Boy before I take on the messy remnants of our busy, fun and love-filled life. I look at the mess with eyes full of love and thankfulness and happiness. This is our life.
Welcome to 2014! Welcome, once again, to our journey as we travel through life.