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My one year blogiversary was this past weekend. That means the blog has been alive and (mostly) well for one full year!
Apparently that’s a pretty big accomplishment. As I reflect on this past year, I see how much I’ve changed, my life has changed, the blog has changed and the resulting feelings I have about these changes. It hasn’t been easy, yet it hasn’t been the hardest thing either. Harder things than blogging have happened in my life. Blogging helped me have a place for those harder things to be heard, to get sorted out, and even to overcome.
I dove right in, literally. I even crashed the site after being up for only a few hours.
I was in the midst of some postpartum depression. Thankfully the struggle eventually lifted.
I had just switched careers, becoming a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t know anything about my newest career, but I was determined to learn all I could. Though, I had difficulty learning all of the new things and wasn’t sure where to turn, I kept trying.
Slowly, over time, I’ve begun to discover who I am as a mother and what that means in my life. I’ve learned a few things about motherhood and myself in the process. I’ve even come to terms with the sudden career change and all that it entails.
In this last year, I’ve not so intentionally played around with my writing style and voice. I think I’ve found the one that works for me, at least in this particular space. I’ve rediscovered the joy I find in writing through my life, documenting the pieces for all time and (in the case of blogging) for all people. I’ve loosened up in trying to “find a niche” (as is often recommended). I’ve accepted that it honestly doesn’t matter to me whether I fit perfectly into any box. I’m not square, I can’t be square, and my life isn’t always easy. Besides, I like that my life doesn’t fit squarely into any one place. I’m glad that we’re different, we embrace being different, not because we want to be ‘cool’, rather because it works for us and it feels right to us. That feeling right is what matters to me.
Some amazing things have happened in this year of blogging as well. Just as I was beginning to really feel in the swing of things, my dad was hospitalized for weeks and I was the lead care provider. That was a difficult time. I had this blog space in which to vent frustrations, sadness, fear, pain, confusion, and then the progress my dad was making. Maybe I wasn’t consistent, but I always had this space.
A space I could use to ask for forgiveness of myself. I received grace from others. I could ignore this space for awhile and not be judged. In that time of my father’s hospitalization, through this blog, I was able to open up in my relationship with my father. Something else in me started to heal. On this blog I could talk about it. I was automatically accepted (computers don’t talk back much), understood, encouraged, and loved.
In this year of blogging, all of you who come to read share my journey through life, you’ve watched Baby Boy grow up (link here), you’ve returned to read my words time after time, sharing parts of yourself in the comments as well. I’m still finding my place, as a woman, a wife, a mother, and a blogger. I hope you’ll continue to return, read my words, and share your stories too. After all, aren’t we all doing our best?