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Sometimes I really wonder. Like, really Really wonder.
Sometimes I quietly contemplate what weaning is.
Sometimes I mourn just thinking about weaning.
Sometimes I marvel at the wonders of breastfeeding, breastmilk, and Baby Boy’s development.
Sometimes I want to be left alone.
Sometimes I want my breasts to be at least minorly sexual for Hun.
Sometimes I never want to stop breastfeeding.
Sometimes I want to stop breastfeeding even as Baby Boy is nursing.
Sometimes I get uncomfortable with the awareness that others find it strange or are uncomfortable that I’m breastfeeding, and a toddler at that.
Sometimes I’m extremely proud of myself for having breastfeed Baby Boy every day of his life. (That’s about 547 days, in case you’re wondering.)
Sometimes I wish it didn’t seem like such an anomaly to breastfeed exclusively, let alone for so long.
Sometimes I wonder if Baby Boy will simply self-wean and how that process will go.
Sometimes I wonder if Baby Boy will never self- wean.
Sometimes I never want to stop breastfeeding, so I can help others know it’s ok simply by doing.
Sometimes his quiet, relaxed, soft deep breaths, and still body attached to mine bring me into such an awareness of the present moments that I have no words.
Sometimes his attachment to me as he sleeps is annoying.
Sometimes I almost wish we believed in some other sleep method (cry it out comes to mind, though I’m no proponent of that method).
Sometimes sitting still and quiet as he sleeps on or beside me, reminds me to sit quietly and let things go for awhile, too.
Sometimes I wonder about all this and more.
Sometimes I don’t.
So for today, I’ll keep pressing on, breastfeeding Baby Boy to his heart’s content. I’ll hold the moments of him in my arms (or performing stunts) as I nurse him. I’ll not wish away the special time and the close bond we share together. I’ll marvel at how he’s grown so much that he can stand up to nurse and that he’s longer than my torso. Today, I’ll keep showering down my love for Baby Boy through nursing and our special time together every day.