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It started off like any other ordinary day.
I woke feeling refreshed with a small list of tasks to complete. I sat down and did some social media tasks for the blog post that day. Baby Boy slept for awhile before coming to find me. I held and rocked him back to sleep. Once I finished some blogging, I went to start a household task. Monkey Boy wanted to be near, so he tagged along while I got started. The task went well enough and I finished the first and second step without any issues.
I decided to sit down and pay bills. That’s when Monkey Boy started being clingy, but I could keep him distracted easily enough. Needing to make a phone call, I continued working. But, of course things only went well for a time. He started tearing apart my wallet and some papers. Being on the phone I couldn’t address him, so I let it go. After finishing the phone call, I started to clean up and Baby Boy started screaming and crying and hanging on me, but wouldn’t sit or lay down as he was requesting.
That’s when the yelling started.
I’d had quite enough of the not listening, the hitting, the tantrums, and the tearing up of things. Actually, I finished rather quickly because it wasn’t as big of a problem as it seemed.
Then Hun called. He started asking about the phone call as the text I’d sent him wasn’t clear. After explaining, and while Baby Boy started crying and screaming again because I wouldn’t let him hold the phone, I lost it…
I yelled at Hun saying I didn’t care anymore and started to tell him how Monkey Boy had been thus far. Of course, Hun told me he was ending the call as he didn’t want to be yelled at (understood, though I didn’t like it in that moment). And things just went downhill from that point forward. Monkey Boy started grabbing and hitting me, while continuing to scream and cry.
That’s when I lost it – again.
I screamed back, I texted Hun and I kept screaming.
I walked away, I wouldn’t let Monkey Boy touch me, and I went on the back patio for a minute.
Monkey Boy stood at the door screaming and crying some more, though he could clearly see me through the glass doors. I was still upset, but part of my mama heart started to melt. I came back in anyway, gave Monkey Boy his cup of water, told him to lay down, covered him with a blanket, and started hand sewing. Things started to calm down. Monkey Boy started to play calmly and quietly again. And after getting myself together again, I wrote this post.
The entire sequence of events lasted no more than about an hour. Yet, it felt like longer.
There are times in a day it feels that way.
Motherhood, heck parenthood, is interesting like that. Staying at home all day is sometimes much more dramatic, but it’s also very anti-climatic. There are times of joy, times of peace, times of frustration, and times of cuddling. None of these times last very long and yet they are all so hard to hold on to.
One of the tricks is to take it all in stride. Nothing lasts quite as long as it seems, every moment with Baby Boy is fleeting.
Every moment a chance to make a mistake, make up from a mistake, or just be loving. Aside from physical pain or true neglect, children are largely unfazed by these moments of temporary loss of cool. Children are much more resilient than we as mothers, as parents, often believe. They are also much more forgiving to us than we are to ourselves. Our children love us through the good and the bad, just as we do them. Take a minute and just watch and reflect on how they are with us. I know when I do, I always see that Baby Boy’s love for me remains unchanged.
So, no matter what happens today (or in the last hour) give yourself a pat on the back. Grab you children and give them a hug and kiss just because.
Tell them you love them.
Say you’re sorry if you’ve been yelling.
Then tell yourself you’re doing great.
Tell yourself everything’s OK.
Remember that you’re a good mom and relish in the knowledge that you are a good mom.
Then go grab yourself a snack and a drink, sit down, and relax. Just for a few minutes, take some time to relax into the belief that you’re a great mom/parent, because you are!