*This post may contain affiliate links. If you click through, I may earn a small commission. Your price will never be affected by my affiliate link. On occasion, I also write sponsored posts, which help to run the blog as well. I thank you for supporting this space, so I can continue to share my journey and our family adventures. For more information, please visit the full disclosure here*


*I wrote this short piece in the immediate weeks following my Dad’s death. I’m sharing it here, with you all, because everything in this piece is still true. Sometimes I don’t hurt as bad as other times, but the hurt and pain is all still so very very true. And I’m stuck sometimes because I often feel more lost than I let on.*

I can’t or don’t want to do anything.

It comes in spurts and then I’m just overwhelmed.

I’m overwhelmed with the grief, the everyday, the normalcy of life, and the tasks that need completed. I’m sad. I’m really sad. I want to cry and scream and do nothing all at once. I know grief can be like this. I know what it’s like to grieve a sudden and unexpected death. I feel all of the things…anger, sadness, love, and peace. Sometimes I feel it all simultaneously, sometimes not.

My beautiful little boys depend on me for structure, explanations, understanding, and strength. I’m giving them all I have while somehow still doing what needs done. Yet, I struggle with the grief. I struggle with knowing I have a responsibility not only to my children, but to my own life, and further still to honoring my dad’s life and work and death all at once.

It’s hard. So so hard. It’s hard to breathe sometimes. It’s hard to think. It’s hard to even just be.

I want to run and hide, yet I want to stay and work through the pain. I want to do nothing, yet I know nothing will get done for my dad.

And always, no matter what, I go back to this simple sentence, “My dad is dead.”

And it hurts. It hurts to know. It hurts to understand. It hurts to be the one doing the things that need done. It just hurts. It all hurts. All the time.

sad, grief, crying, sadness, loss, pain

Everything and Nothing Hurts
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4 thoughts on “Everything and Nothing Hurts

  • May 24, 2016 at 3:27 pm
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    Oh Kendall, this was such a difficult read. I’m so sorry you’ve been so grieved. I can only imagine you pain. I’m thankful both of my parents are still alive but I’ve lost both of my beloved grandmothers over the past 3 years. Grief is hard and it certainly does come in waves. It’s also hard to keep our head up for loved ones in the midst of it.

    Praying you continue to find comfort and get the love and support you need in this time.
    xoxo
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…The Most Candid and Honest Outlook on Blogging You May Ever ReadMy Profile

    Reply
    • May 25, 2016 at 9:31 am
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      Thank you for your kind words and understanding, Jennifer. It has been difficult. Some days are ok, others not as much, and still others are really hard. I remember you lost your grandmother last year. I hope your heart is healing from that painful loss. :hugs:

      Reply

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*This post may contain affiliate links. If you click through, I may earn a small commission. Your price will never be affected by my affiliate link. On occasion, I also write sponsored posts, which help to run the blog as well. I thank you for supporting this space, so I can continue to share my journey and our family adventures. For more information, please visit the full disclosure here*


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