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Today, we have a special guest, Julianna Kovacs, who is a conscious parenting coach and recovering perfectionist, that enjoys helping Mothers become more conscious and mindful in parenting. I really enjoy Julianna’s insights and wisdom when it comes to conscious parenting and certainly love the community over on her facebook page. So, without further ado, I turn the blog over to her.
Creating a home environment where everyone feels safe to be themselves is important. A safe home environment helps every family member feel free to talk without judgment, everyone can relax easier, and no one minds being home.
Do you feel good when you arrive home after working all day or when you’ve been at home all day? Do you find your home a sanctuary to relax or does it feel like a second shift at work? How do your kids feel when they come home? Are they hyper and demanding or do they feel calm and ready to slow down? Does your teenager like to be at home or does he/she escape as often as possible?
Here are 5 ideas for making your home feel great. I use these myself and with my clients as a parenting coach.
Disorganized areas and clutter drains your energy. Visual chaos keeps you on high alert and acts as a reminder to get busy working on your To Do list. It sends a subconscious message that you really shouldn’t be relaxing; you should get going to finish your housework. Your subconscious mind receives about 10 million bits of information per second but only about 40 gets to your conscious mind, depending on your focus. Clutter and neglected chores are running in your subconscious like open windows on your computer and draining your energy.
In my experience, we often dread or procrastinate on a task because in our mind it seems like a huge undertaking and so we overestimate the time it would take to finish. If you set a timer to do 10 minutes of decluttering once or twice a day, you’ll be amazed at how much you accomplish in a week. And, because starting is often the hardest part so once you get started you will probably continue on for longer than your scheduled time.
Create rules for your kids
Having set boundaries and rules saves you a lot of energy when you’re confronted with a situation. It saves you from trying to make rules as you go along to temporarily solve a problem. When you and your kids know the rules ahead of time you can always refer to them when you need to enforce them.
Choose three areas that are important or are non-negotiable to you and create a rule around each. Go easy on the rest once you’re clear on what it is you really want. This is really helpful when you deal with teenagers. With younger kids it helps them to remember and consistently follow 3 big rules, a manageable number for them. Imagine having a job where they have hundreds of rules and they’re changing them all the time without notice, you would be chronically stressed out and paralyzed, unable to function at work.
Listening is a skill that we all need to practice. Most of us listen with the intent of answering.
Pay full attention. Kids will learn from you about how to listen. They model you, so if you want your teenager to listen to your advice, you have to start early by showing them how to listen and show concern for the feelings and opinions of others.
When something is bothering you, find solutions to work them out with everyone in your family. We have a tendency to push away issues until they’re overwhelming and we can’t take it any longer. Unresolved issues can fuel feelings of resentment, fear, anger, upset, bitterness and so on. All feelings are energy and if we let them build up they will explode. Don’t wait too long. Work on solutions when you’re calm. You can journal and meditate to work them out on your own, or when you’re in a calm state so that you can find a diplomatic way to talk to those involved.
Have fun together
Every day for 30 minutes spend family time together. It is easier with younger kids since they’re always ready to play. In our house after dinner we always do something together, like play cards or a board game, go for a walk, go out to have ice cream, anything that involves the whole family. Also we have dinner together when possible, which is almost always.
There are many other ways to create a peaceful home. Share some of the ways you have a calm and peaceful home environment in the comments below.